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Some will talk about making it about what she “owes” him – he bought dinner /rented the movie /paid for the plane tickets and now she’s or “Last Minute Resistance” (LMR for short).The tactics involved in “handling” LMR or breaking through her “Anti-Slut Defense” can vary from ignoring her first signs of refusal to utilizing social pressure to coerce a women into sex via freezing her out.
The important part, though, is what it says: that you respect and are invested enough in your partner – even if it’s a one-night stand – that you want their full and eager participation.
You’re going to feel upset and a little anxious and want to make things better.
You’re much more likely to try to do whatever it takes to melt that ice that’s suddenly developed between you. I want to be clear: this sort of “yes”, a “yes” gained through coercive methods to the entire idea of affirmative, enthusiastic consent.
The freeze-out involves withdrawing all positive attention – essentially giving her the silent treatment – until she feels the pressure to reinitiate sexual contact.
It plays directly on the social contract and the way that women are trained to interact with men, as well as our instinctive need for social approval.
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In many ways, the focus on “no” puts the burden – yet again – on women to rein in the libidos of men who presumably can’t control themselves… Women are often socialized to be non-direct for fear of causing offense; many women are frequently uncomfortable with being up front with saying “No, I don’t want this.” In the case of , Natalia protests to Adam that she hasn’t taken a shower; she’s trying to give him the wave-off as he pulls her underwear down but he either misses her meaning or possibly ignores it deliberately.
Alcohol also has a way of making a definitive “no” hard to recognize.
For someone who liked clarity, shit got murky All too often, when the subject of consent focuses on “no means no”, you inevitably find people who will insist that the concept is muddled and confusing.
When we say that “no means no” and someone doesn’t give a no, what does that mean?
It plays on a person’s complexes and insecurities, making them want to reconnect with those good feelings and leave her believing that it’s fault for all of it going away. Imagine if you will, that you’re hanging out with someone you care about; everything’s happy, you’re having fun. You’re getting short, curt, single syllable answers, they refuse to look at you.