Self monitoring and dating relationships
Self monitoring and dating relationships - 8 simple rules for dating my son
'Mind reading' happens when we assume we know what someone is thinking when we don't. Have you ever taken an instant disliking/liking to someone merely because they reminded you of someone else who you disliked/liked? Because they in a relationship with someone who was abusive, very critical or dishonest, or who left them, they respond to a new partner defensively or angrily when, in fact, the new partner is not really like the old one at all.When you stop doing it, you really begin to respect someone's privacy because everyone deserves the right to have space to think their own thoughts. The extreme form of this 'sloppy comparison' can lead to destructive over-generalizations such as, "All men are lying bastards! "If you suspect you have been making faulty unfair comparisons between your current partner and a former one, then write a list of all the destructive traits of your former partner.
"It's just that I love him so much and I can't bear the thought of losing him! These are the typical thoughts and feelings of the chronically insecure partner. And, of course, we usually find what we're looking for, even if it isn't really there at all. So what can you do if insecurity is blighting your relationships?
Constantly wondering what your partner is thinking is a quick route to anxiety.
If they say one thing don't assume they mean another.
" Emma had been badly hurt before by her former cheating fiancé. Part of her knew that her new man was decent, caring, and honest, but the emotional bit of Emma felt that it was "just a matter of time" before things went wrong."If he's quiet I actually start panicking! We perform constant monitoring: "Do they look fed up? Making stuff up and then believing it is a sure-fire way to self-torment.
Feeling insecure in a relationship is natural , at least until the relationship "settles". She also told me she had ended many previous relationships because of her insecurity. " Walking away rather than risk the pain of feeling abandoned can seem the easiest thing to do.
If someone really does treat you badly or lies and cheats, then feeling insecure is a natural and justified response.
However, if you're actually in a generally good relationship, then follow these tips because what you have is precious.
to know whether your partner really loves you, having to know this or having to know that puts a lot of unnecessary strain and tension into the relationship. Insecure people can still feel insecure even when they are told they are loved.
Wanting what is not possible (complete and utter certainty in all and everything forever) is not possible because imagination can still make up doubts.
But it does mean that if there are occasional problems, you don't have to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater' and become so destructive that the relationship ends or so clingy that your partner ends it for you. She stopped feeling she had to control what her partner thought or did and her new laidback attitude made it easier for their love to genuinely blossom.
A good relationship is there for you to enjoy together, to share resources and develop together in healthy ways.
These ebbs and flows are Overcoming relationship insecurity is partly about becoming less controlling.