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If a single girl is my age, the chance for them to meet a married man is high, since the men who are the same age or older are all married. They’re colleagues and the people I know from other companies. They want to travel a lot, but the problem is they don’t want to make their own money to travel. You just need to take care of yourself and you just have to have a good outlook and then just date with a rich guy and his family or he is going to take care of you. And I think these kinds of girls will love to date foreigners. Because foreign guys become independent earlier than Vietnamese guys. Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but they have an expression in Vietnam: Man is king. Because I kept telling myself, you can’t prioritise that part of your life in determining where you live. So you think the family wouldn’t view you the same way as a man? Because the woman is kind of like the caretaker of the family. Do you think just by the virtue of being here white men are somehow implicit in this dating culture? They work and go out with their friends or just go home. Most of them just want to meet up with friends at a coffee shop or restaurant to dine as they don’t like going to the bar to drinks. They want to meet someone to date but they don’t know where. So you think a lot of women here don’t want to travel abroad? They just want to travel with their boyfriend’s money, their husband’s money, their husband’s family’s money. How do you think the fact that they need to think about money will affect the way they treat a boyfriend? The advantage is they don’t have to worry about money every time they hang out. They have to move out when they’re 18, and due to to that, they have to learn how to take care of themselves well. The second group, they come to Vietnam, they travel around the world, and sometimes they just need somebody to hang out, to date, to have sex with, and they know that Vietnamese girls are interested in foreign guys, even when they don’t know English. And Vietnamese guys, that’s a complicated topic, too. But I think there are very complicated reasons why they don’t approach us. And often, my students say that they could never have a wife who’s better than them. My youngest would be about 15, but generally adults. It’s your role to take care of him, the children, his parents. Yeah, I’ve never been treated so badly by white guys, ever. Do you feel that sort of disrespect in a casual setting, with friends as well?
Women are supposed to be submissive.” However, as purposefully provocative and offensive as Sebastian wished to make his article, and his website in general, he did touch on one thing all people who live in Vietnam can agree on: the dating culture, when it comes to Vietnamese girls, seems to be slanted in favour of foreign men.If you meet any foreign man who has a girlfriend or is married in Vietnam, it’s about 90% certain that his partner will be Vietnamese.This interesting dating dynamic is universally acknowledged and endlessly discussed.What does your family think about your dating past? This is my family’s tradition – they let me do what I want. The way I think about life, the way I think about passion, about jobs, about money. They want to work, they want to make money, they want to travel around the world by themselves. They can dress well and they can go shopping and they can laugh, they are confident in their beauty. They want to conquer some things in their life, and Vietnamese girls don’t have it. Why do you think a lot of foreign guys are drawn to Vietnamese women? But for the other cool guys, they know how to respect women. For the first six months of living here, I thought, I can’t do this. You feel that Western men just look straight through you. So I could just date, and I informed them, and they were happy whenever I had someone. Like I would date someone for only one week, two weeks, three weeks, one month max. My longest relationship was two years, and we broke up, of course, for many reasons. And your girlfriend wanted you to have a stable income? And the second group, they don’t want to be independent. But inside, their core values, they are not confident. If you live in a society that produces the kind of woman, they also produce the kind of man who fits the kind of woman. And when foreign guys know how to deal with those sorts of things, Vietnamese girls have no reason to break up. Do you think it’s easier for Vietnamese women to date in Vietnam than it is for foreign women? One of my students told me her dad used to say, “Girls should be thrown out with the dishwater.” Your daughters are to be married off.
It’s becoming more and more difficult for Vietnamese girls to meet someone to date. Many of the girls – they’re 28 to 35 years old – around me are still single. And I feel so sorry because, do you remember, I only care about the first group of girls, who are independent, confident. And so you really don’t want anything to do with the guys that are really kind of forward. So, if you can marry her off to some wealthy guy, that’s great. But if a Vietnamese guy brings me home, that’s a whole different story, because I’m coming into the family. So, we decided to get four different opinions on dating in Vietnam to get a broader perspective. For you, has it been different dating a foreigner from a Vietnamese man? Girls are more suspicious of guys and not so easy to approach. Its different in Vietnam; I find it easier to approach someone just for a drink or a dinner. I came in Vietnam for the first time in 2015, for a week of holiday. I really loved [Vietnam], the people, so I decided to come back to here six months later for an internship in January 2016. First, I have to say that Vietnamese girls are very beautiful – they got something.Phuong, a businesswoman from Hanoi; Son, a sound engineer from a province near Saigon; Kate, an English teacher from Australia; and Thomas, an online marketer from France all agreed to give us their views on what it takes to find love in Ho Chi Minh City. Note that all these interviews deal substantially with personal histories. They always told me I’m too strong for them or something. It’s hard for me to tell because I didn’t really date a Vietnamese when I was already a grown-up. All the other guys that I worked with or whatever, they wouldn’t end up with girls like them. Past the physical appearance, they are really easy to hang out with: curious, always happy to try new food, to learn english, to discover new places. [They’re] always keen to help with anything: to find an apartment, to book a bus ticket... I think they’re more open to speaking to guys in general. It seems that he treats girls like they’re all the same, like if they were simple objects.And since they can earn money they become more independent and more picky than traditional woman. I think it’s a problem of culture, because when you’re a girl, your parents will teach you, OK, you don’t need to study well. And the disadvantage is, they have to do whatever their boyfriend wants or their boyfriend’s family wants if they think about getting married. They have to learn how to live alone and love themselves before they love somebody else. And some foreign guys know that they are valuable, more valuable than Vietnamese guys in Vietnam, and they take advantage of it. But it’s never been particularly difficult to meet people, I find, outside of Vietnam. And I’m not saying that I’m this man-magnet or anything, but you notice a very big difference. And they know that a Western girl is probably not going to do it. [Laughs] And she wouldn’t have a good understanding of the cultural values. I really don’t have anything to do with white guys any more. So they just work, hang out with friends and travel with friends. And I think about it, and sometimes I feel like a loser, a little bit, because I think I’m different from the other Vietnamese guys here in Vietnam. They just want to get married, taking care of their husband, have kids, and go to work every day. And yeah, to me, please keep in mind that I don’t say all Vietnamese girls. I don’t know how exactly to call them, but the first group are the independent girls, who are passionate, confident, who want to do something very meaningful in their life. And this is cool to the modern girls who want a similar life. And they just go out and find a girl to date and they’re not actually serious about a relationship with a Vietnamese girl. If you go to a bar or whatever you’ll always meet someone, which is a very different experience here. It’s the best expression for it: you just feel invisible. Recently a 23-year-old Sebastian Harris, the self-titled “Global Seducer”, wrote to us in response to an article he had found on City Pass Guide: Beautiful Vietnamese Women in ‘Ao Dai’.