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People may search for love within the community to preserve their culture or because it’s simply more comfortable to be with a partner of the same background. Internet user Jellyfrog48, a member of a dating site for single parents, was similarly perplexed when she received an email from a member of the site who has no children. ”Responses from fellow parents on the chatroom included the cautious (“Keep your guard up a bit”), the explanatory (“He may not be able to have children”), and the obvious (“Of course, this is the Internet”).
BBPeople Meet.com, a website for plus-size people, has a sizable portion of lean lovers. Many of these websites attract people who are looking, quite literally, for their significant “other.”Take Benjamin Hagar, 23, a white man who’s interested in dating only black women—a difficult pairing, given that he lives in Saranac Lake, N.
“I had a Jewish boyfriend before I met Paul,” she explained recently.
“We broke up, but I wanted to date a Jewish man, so I went to JDate.”Six months after their first date, Tran and Zimmerman got engaged.
Sexual or romantic desire for a person of another ethnic background is deeply embedded in race-obsessed American culture, said Jodie Kliman, a psychologist and family therapist at the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology who focuses on the effects of class, race, and culture on family life.
It may be subconsciously related to power play, based on historical notions of an older man’s dominance or a black woman’s submissiveness.
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It may be driven by a yearning to have a different life than one’s childhood—to have a lively Jewish family if you grew up with emotionally aloof parents, for example.“We have to look at the extent to which the other is exoticized by the dominant group,” Kliman said.