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'Emotionally, they make plans and have strategies, while men are more impulsive.' From a young age, he says, women will start to consider the kind of life they want, what kind of job or house they aspire to, how many children they'd like and what kind of partner.'Most men don't really develop that facility until they're much older.
Simply put, it seems that women are better at having affairs than men.Many women also develop a habit of secrecy about smaller issues in their relationship as a way of maintaining some kind of control.It's common, for example, for women to lie to their partners about how much money they have spent - even when they don't need to.'I was clear from the start that I'd never leave my husband and family.Brian kept me sane during some of the tougher years of my marriage, but he was strictly for snatched afternoons off and the odd "working weekend" away,' she says.If we meet in the evening, I tell Adrian I'm with my sister, and meet Mark a few miles away, where we won't bump into anyone.' Does she feel guilty about the affair? You know the 11th commandment: don't get caught.' Women have always had affairs, but over the past 20 years that number has risen dramatically.
Jobs outside the home - with the ready-made excuse of working late or business travel - financial independence and changing social attitudes mean that modern women simply have more opportunity to meet other men and start affairs.It's not just a question of avoiding the inevitable row over the 'worth it' factor of a pair of killer heels, but of holding something back in order to maintain a sense of emotional independence, and to balance out the power we might feel our partner has in other aspects of the relationship. Why have a huge row over something he needn't even know about?A recent survey by a leading building society also found that women are much more likely than men to have a 'secret' account with money their partner knows nothing about. I never tell him about my girlfriends' secrets, because he'd be judgmental and disapproving. But it's easy to see how a climate of withholding and keeping smaller secrets can easily lead to bigger ones.'If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven't been fathered by the man who thinks he's the biological parent.' That's a lot of women keeping a lot of secrets.One woman I know - let's call her Juliet - has been married to Adrian for ten years, and having an affair with Mark for the past two.Girls will lie to protect someone's feelings or to build a relationship.