Dating antisocial man
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Remember you cannot make somebody happy – happiness is an inside job! My German grandmother used to say, “ Hope is the last to die.” Yes, certainly there is always hope yet – baseline behavior aka normalcy as you and experience it is a long hike away for people with BPD.This contributes to the feeling of being emotionally drained in a partnership. The good news is that once in our thirties our energy level decreases naturally and hence even individuals with BPD will have less vigor at their disposal.
Notoriously famous personality disorders discussed in films, courts, and domestic disputes are all part of the dramatic-erratic cluster: The Narcissist, The Antisocial, The Individual with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or a combination of two: Antisocial Narcissistic and/or Borderline Narcissistic.
As Marsha Linehan (1993), one of the foremost researchers in the treatment of BPD proclaims in her book Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder over 70% of patients with BPD present with histories of childhood sexual abuse.
Even when this is not the case, the pairing of a child with a difficult temperament (a child that is fussy and easily excitable by nature and difficult to soothe) paired with unreceptive, stressed out, or normative parents contributes towards the maintenance and further development of a difficult personality; lashing out, suicidal gestures, and self-depreciation become the hallmark of the individual with BPD.
All beginnings are lovely – or so the sage proclaims. Two individuals come together – attraction, lust, love, personality styles, personal and family histories, attachment, and lifestyles collide – and there you are in the middle of a daring, challenging, and steamy relationship.
If this ship becomes a timeless elegant regatta or a wrack is heavily determined by the personality styles of the involved partners’.
The individual with BPD does not have an inner center; she does not know who she is.
She tries to gauge her self-image at any given situation by interpreting the expressions of others (kind of the blind leading the blind giving her over-sensibility). Hopefully, this evokes some compassion – imagine how scary when you are just drifting at the mercy of what you believe others may do or think.I always ask my clients “What’s your partner’s most valuable asset – other than her portfolio?” The correct answer is “consistency” – and consistent is what people with a history of BPD are not.I use the pronoun his because more women are diagnosed with BPD; men instead earn the label antisocial much easier.Interesting enough, it is frequently the healthier mate seeking therapy to relieve himself from the immense relational pressures.Jodi Arias – in my opinion, – a good example of a woman with quiet BPD (she functions superficially well but her chameleon-like façade breaks open once her relational views are challenged) murdered her ex-boyfriend Travis Alexander; Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction attempted to murder her former lover but failed and found her own death.