British culture dating
British culture dating
For many teenage Muslims, the extent of sex education or conversations about relationships was that sex was ‘haram’ and having boyfriends was shameful.And from that we understood: if you’re gonna talk to boys on MSN on the computer in the living room, have another tab of Solitaire open just in case.
I deleted the app after 24 hours feeling completely overwhelmed; it just felt way too intense and I realised I’m only 24 (although in Pakistani match-maker years that seems to be around 45) and I’m in no rush to get married until I’m absolutely sure I’ve met the right person.Digital dating and matrimonial services seem to have replaced the traditional system of being introduced to a potential marriage suitor by your aunty and going to meet them in their living room, making small talk over chai.These apps and websites often provide a platform for Muslims with hectic, busy lives to be able to get to know one another while still being honest and upfront about doing things the ‘Islamic’ way.Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t, but that’s life.However, the ‘marriage’ elephant in the room when dating a Muslim can be a double-edged sword.Being well aware of misogyny in my own culture due to my mother’s strong and outspoken nature, I began to notice the deep-rooted misogyny in British dating culture too.
It was clear to me that young women were expected almost without exception to present themselves in a hyper-sexualised way, under immense pressure to look good, whilst boys often navigated this same dating scene with a strong sense of entitlement and lack of respect.
Watching shows and films on television showing teenagers pursuing relationships openly made me feel major FOMO when even talking about dating at home was taboo.
Well, until we reached our twenties and then we were suddenly supposed to have a string of possible marriage suitors lined up in waiting.
However as I grew into adulthood, I realised that the secular Western model of casual dating and sex was not exactly desirable to me either.
I grew up seeing so many of my friends heartbroken at a young age, having the freedom to have sex without really possessing the emotional maturity to make informed decisions that their parents hadn’t prepared them for.
Every simple argument can send alarm bells ringing in your head when you start thinking “This is the future father of my children?