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I guess it’s hard to say to somebody, “I have a great girl for you, but she’s fat—are you okay with that? People are image-conscious, and it takes a very secure man to advertise his preference for a woman of size.No matter how many magazines start featuring plus-size women, in mainstream white culture, a woman who’s heavy isn’t considered as attractive as a woman who’s not.
He definitely cares about me and likes spending time with me, but if he could stare at my ass all day long, he would.
Yes, there have been times I’ve felt uncomfortable at bars because guys talk to my friends and not me, and if I notice a group of men snickering at me, that always makes me upset. When I started on BBW (Big Beautiful Women) dating sites, I got crazy amounts of e-mails.
Before that, I didn’t understand that there were people out there who preferred a round body with curves and boobs and a butt and lots of fat.
And I’ve been contacted by men on BBW sites who ask me if I’m open to a feeding relationship, which I’m not.
It means they want to be with somebody who likes to eat, who they can feed and would consider gaining a lot of weight. But I think there’s a fine line between someone who’s a fetishist and someone who’s not.
He kept saying over and over, “I think you’re beautiful.” My first instinct was, This is a joke, someone put him up to it—which says a lot about where I was at that point. Experience, age and understanding that a lot of people attracted to me because of (or in spite of) my size takes away some of the nervousness I used to feel on dates. I was trying to move over him, and he said, “Your weight is hurting me.” That brought me back to reality. I was wearing a new outfit and these really hot tights, and in one fell swoop, he brought me down a little bit.
I was surprised because we’d never talked about my size being an issue.I didn’t gain a freshman 15, I gained a freshman 50.Then my dad died when I was 22 and I wasn’t interested in anything anymore. It wasn’t until I was 28 that I decided I wanted to date again, after I got back in touch with people from camp.Ultimately everybody’s looking to get to the next level, and for many men in New York, a larger woman is the bottom level, regardless of what she’s like.There’s a misconception that plus-size girls are insecure in their bodies.It was a different world there: Size wasn’t so much of an issue, though there was a hierarchy, with the skinnier girls at the top.